Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you. Matthew 5: 11-12
Have you ever felt a deep level of hurt that stirs different versions of you that you never knew existed? Have you ever been accused of something that you didn’t do, yet still you feel bad about the accusation and more so the damage that is intended for your reputation? How did you overcome that accusation or hurt? How long did it take you to get over it and move on? Did you forgive and move on or forgive and smear the memory?
In 2015, I almost relinquished my 12 years journey as a Christian because of my experience with a set of spiritual role models that I mirrored at the time. My name was mentioned on the worst thing that one could ever be labelled as.
It was a sacred Wednesday, a day of fasting and prayer at church. I didn’t go, however, the pastor whom I was staying with, niece, nephew and mom went. I stayed home with one of his younger siblings because on that same day I was suppose to go to the city to stay with one of his family members who offered me a baby- sitting job to occupy my time over the summer holiday before I found a job that fitted my career path. The fasting service really went beyond its normal time because I was waiting out of patience that afternoon for him to come home, so that I could leave, taking into consideration the lengthy journey I had to pursue. When I didn’t see any sign of my pastor, I left. I went to Mobay, spent the holiday there, then returned when I got an important career related call. On my return visit I sensed a strong tension that I couldn’t understand what had caused it. I was interrogated in a manner that caused me to feel uncomfortable, heavy spirited and broken hearted. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I was in shock and denial. My mind went for a walk and a deep shadow of depression overtook me. I cried day after day night after night.
I plunged into a deep sense of somberness that reigned for a while. It had exacerbated when I stopped by few of my confidants who broke the news down to me. Can you believe it ? My “good good” name was propagandized on the street and in the church. That was the tip of the ice berg for the propaganda that was spread. When I went on the road, I heard more and more stories. It has gotten to the point where I was depressed for what I didn’t do. I cried endlessly, I started losing weight (moved from a size nuff to zero); I became bitter, withdrawn, and stressed. I got so much cold shoulders, resentments and barbaric treatments that tested my faith in the wrong. I never wanted to go to church any more. I slipped on my journey at that point because I thought within myself that having a record that is clean like Christ’s own didn’t make any sense.
I was heart- broken to know that the people whom I deemed as my spiritual role models were the ones thinking the worst of me. I became very uncomfortable and couldn’t act like my usually self, because in fact I was hurted deeply. Over the period of time that I stayed at the home I was told how much I have changed, but no one figured out the reason for this change. I was present in body, but absent in mind. I didn’t want to leave to look ungrateful, but at the same time staying was a real pain. I left that home to live with one of my relatives, shortly after that I heard that I went to live with my man. Mon, adversities just keep coming my way in series.
Summing up all of my adversities that came in the form of false accusations, propagandas and scenarios that aimed at tarnishing my reputation, I have learnt few things:
- you have to know God for yourself.
- aspire to model or patternize Jesus and not men because they are complete failure.
- When you are not guilty of what you have been accused of , you don’t have that to pray about. Your accusers will have to.
- Like Joseph, go through your process even when innocent. Time is longer than rope. The pit or prison is there to prepare you for the palace.
- No pain, no gain.
- A seed has to be buried to germinate.